Finding Purpose in the Process of Becoming

Hellos & Hellos

Wow, it’s been a while since I wrote a blog post between my birthday posts and my end-of-the-year reflections. It feels oddly awkward, almost rusty. But also feels comfortingly familiar all at the same time. :)

So, the idea for this piece resulted from a very interesting month. It's been a while since I have had the time, inclination, and inspiration to write something out of pure retrospect. Also, the weather here is helping. It's grey, cold, and rainy, and to me, it’s perfect weather (the frizz in my hair would like to object) to sit down with a chai and share this with you.

The Pursuit of Inspiration

At the start of this year, I told myself that there are a few things I want to do more of in the coming months. Writing for myself was definitely at the top of that list. But, in between writing for work and writing everyday life-admin things, I think I forgot how to write for myself.

This year has been a fine balance between accepting and persevering, where the line was so blurred at one point, that I found myself confused between what to accept and what to push for. Writing became that. Should I push to write more creatively, or should I push to ‘just get it done’ no matter what the output? Just to have something to show for my time.

And mine you I had A LOT of ideas. I post KDrama & book reviews on my other Instagram (smooth plug, right?), I wanted to write more KDrama reviews & recommendations and so much more.

But… why was it that whenever I completed a piece, in any capacity, the final output never made me happy?

It wasn’t the quality or how the post turned out, but the creative satisfaction overall was just missing. That feeling you get when you spend your time towards something fulfilling and purposeful. And it feels almost cathartic, like taking a long deep breath. You know what I mean? That feeling was just not being felt. And I didn’t know why.

So one day, while I went through all my incomplete creative endeavors, trying to salvage some older feelings of inspiration, I realized something important.

While reading these pieces, I remember exactly how I felt when I started writing some of these projects. Even if they were left incomplete, I remembered the joyous ‘ah-ha’ moment when I suddenly had an idea or a thought that completed it. And I liked how that felt, almost more than the creativity that transpired after. I found myself both amused and smiling at the recollection of how fun it all was.

So buried deep within those thoughts and between those words I discovered where my creative joy was hiding after all.

You guessed it, in the process. The little sneak.

The Pursuit of Process

The process to me here is the act of thinking and bringing the idea to life. And that included the environment I was in. Or I would put myself in.

Finding new coffee shops to write in. Breathing in the cold early morning air for a quiet writing session before the world wakes up. Staring out the window and daydreaming about what the next line would say. That little bright spark at the back of your brain that makes your eyes go wide at the thought of something that clicks.

That feeling made me happy.

Just like how writers take a general outline of an idea and start trying to piece it together. In the beginning, nothing makes complete sense. But little by little, during the wondering, the writing, the deleting, the editing, and revising, it all finally starts to find its place. Like magic.

So what if it was never about the final output? What if it was always about the fun in the process? When little thoughts fit together to make perfect sense. Somehow miraculously worked itself out. That little happy dance in your heart when things finally fall into their rightful place.

That feeling.

The Pursuit of Living

I wanted to find a way to add that feeling into my every day. Just reserving it for creative processes didn’t feel right. Maybe life is about finding joy in the process too. But how?

I know we all set these goals and create ridiculous plans in trying to achieve them. We also have unrealistic expectations of what the final outcome should be. That ideal body, that dream job, or what beautiful house. We are so focused on reserving that feeling of contentment till we get that goal fulfilled.

But the funny thing is, we live the majority of our lives waiting to get to that finish line. Disregarding the fact that the destination is literally 10% of our entirety. We spend 90% of our time and effort to get to that 10%. So why not spend that majority living a better quality of life, till we get to that goal? Why waste the time in between?

And the funny thing is, we grow, we change and the destination can change too. It’s not uncommon for goals to evolve as we evolve with our experiences. So why be so focused on storing all that happiness for something that may just get further in case our priorities change?

And so how do you make the day count? Add a little sprinkle of extraordinary to your ordinary. Find that little bit of purpose to your process of becoming whatever it is you wish to.

I’m glad you asked (rhetorically but it’s ok, I needed the dramatic effect).

The Pursuit of Presence

Have you ever heard of the phrase ‘The Art of Noticing?’. It’s a simple practice creatives imbibe to draw inspiration from everyday things around them. It’s also a very small, but powerful technique to learn how to be present, and hence more aware in this ridiculous distraction-inducing world.

I’ll take myself for example.

While writing this piece, I have found myself checking my notifications twice out of habit. While watching my KDrama last evening, I was scrolling Instagram on the side. I have become so unfocused, and so distracted with technology, that I often forget why I took my laptop out in the first place.

We eat meals with our phones for company, unaware of what goes into our stomachs. We talk to someone while scrolling our phones, half listening or registering whatever it is the other person just said. And then we get defensive when someone calls us out on our lack of attention, which is more hurtful when what is being said is important.

And when we listen, we don’t really listen, we take words that come out of their mouths and make our own assumptions of what was said. Because we are so so painfully distracted, we do not register the meaning of the words. We have become oblivious to facial expressions and subtle reactions. We have become numb to how mean our words and tone can sound because we say them unattentively while our minds are busy being elsewhere.

We are not present, aware, or even focused. We are just there existing in the situation. Floating from hour to hour, task to task, meal to meal.

Did you get this far into the blog post without something else distracting you?

See what I mean? It’s kinda scary, isn’t it?

The solution is simple but so tricky to apply. By just being a little more present, you give more purpose to whatever act you are in the middle of or becoming.

The Pursuit of Becoming

And ‘becoming’ here as a word means the space between where you are and where you want to go in life. Whether it’s towards the dream body (becoming healthy), job (becoming rich), project, partner whatever.

This very forgettable in-between space that people want to quickly skim over and make it go faster so that they can get to their goal sooner. And then they will finally allow themselves to feel the happiness that they were waiting for.

The process of becoming is where you live the majority of your life. And it’s time to finally allow yourself to enjoy it. And that starts with being present or even just aware. Shifting your focus from 100 things to what you are doing right now, at this given moment. Being fully into, attentively immersed into whatever it is you are doing, with as much sincerity as possible.

Just like how I am trying to imbibe while writing this piece.

The tricky part here is to narrow your focus away from all the other thoughts and problems in your head begging for attention.

But no, at this moment it’s just you and what you are doing. Imsmersively, wholeheartedly.

So if it’s eating a meal, it’s becoming more mindful to actually pay attention to the food. If it’s watching a show, it’s becoming more attentive to appreciate the dialogue, music, and visuals. If it’s going for a walk, it’s being aware of the sky, the sights you see, and the small things that often go unnoticed.

And you’d be surprised about how satisfied you feel afterward. Just like how I feel during the process of writing. You are now finding some purpose in the space between two moments. And you’re making it count. No matter how small or insignificant the moment may seem.

This will then help you move from listless distractions and the feeling of lost/wasted time into something that matters. You will start to find accomplishment in your daily walks/workouts on the way to getting your dream body. Or finding purpose in learning new skills on the way to finding your dream job. Or coming across interesting information while researching what it takes to get your dream house.

You’ll start shifting the meaning of what you derive joy from. Especially once you find purpose and intent in whatever it is that you do.

Enjoy the process of becoming whatever it is you desire.

The Pursuit of Purpose

‘Purpose’ is something I have always struggled with.

Because I don’t have a purpose. I have a list of things I want for myself. I don’t have this one bucket dream goal or a bigger selfless purpose to better mankind.

And it’s taken me a very long time to be ok with it.

Goals are a by-product of our need to find purpose. What am I doing with my life? What am I working toward? How am I living each day and fighting the guilt of wasting my time? Goals help answer these questions. Having something to work towards helps.

But even goals as a concept have lost their meaning in today’s world. Because we have stopped creating goals for ourselves, for our own betterment, made to keep our individuality in mind.

We create goals based on a comparative milestone of someone else’s life.

We see something someone else has and we create a goal based on that feeling of lack. And society just forces us to want the same things. So much so, that we don’t even know if we really want these things. If it resonates with our belief system. Or is it just expected of me to want them because everyone else has them? Or our families want them for us.

So what do we do? We chase and chase till we get XYZ and when we get them, we’re like wait, this doesn’t make me happy. What was I struggling for all along?

And that to me is more disappointing. That wasted time

So I decided to not have a purpose.

At least not a conventional purpose. My purpose now is to find meaning in what I do while I become whatever it is I want to be.

Today my purpose could be to enjoy the weather while I write this piece.

Tomorrow my purpose could be something for work.

Next week my purpose could be to try to be an early riser.

Next month my purpose could be to find a workout regime I like.

The Pursuit of Joy in the Journey

So my friend, if you are worried that you don’t have a single thing you’re working towards. Split them into bite-size fragments instead. Try to find deeper fulfillment in the process of whatever it is you are doing and whoever it is you are becoming. I promise you it gives life a little bit more freshness and vitality. Things don’t feel as stagnant and routine anymore. Because now, every moment feels intentional, everything suddenly has a purposeful energy.

Nothing is wasted, nothing is boring, and nothing seeds thoughts of self-doubt, lack, and feeling unaccomplished. Because you aren’t benchmarking your process with anyone else’s. It’s all yours, unique to your personality, likes, and skills.

And it does exactly what a purpose is supposed to do. Add value and meaning to your actions. Giving you a sense of accomplishment in your task. Making every day count towards something.

My purpose can change, every day, every moment if it has to. Provided it’s something I truly believe in and it makes me happy.

Because at the end of the day, that’s all that matters. :)

Here is to making every moment count,

Niki :)