The Magic Of Letting Life Happen

I had 3 mantras for this year:

1. Even if you didn’t get up early, today will still be a good day.

2. Time spent resting is not time wasted.

3. The peace of mind acceptance brings is more important than giving someone a piece of your mind.

Actually, make those 4 mantras:

4. Trust that whatever happens, happens for the best, and it is the best possible outcome life could have presented you.

It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog post and usually, I’m really good at just jumping back into whatever candid train of thought I had. But this time, something feels different.

Is it me? Is it the surprising quiet in my head? Is it this ginseng tea that I hope will curb my new caffeine habit?

Maybe it’s just me.

I know I say every year comes with a set of individual changes, but what if this year turned out to be one of the most transformative years of my life so far?

And not in the- I have achieved complete enlightenment- kind of way, but let’s just say my year started out much differently from how it’s ending. And in the best way possible.

““It’s funny how day by day nothing changes. But when you look back, everything is different.””

— C.S. Lewis

Even if you didn’t get up early, today will still be a good day.

This is a loosely translated line from a genre of videos I have come to really like this year.

People go about their day, being present in the moment and mindfully finding meaning in the simplest of tasks that make every day a little bit special. And I really loved the concept of it. The simplicity of existing and finding meaning in the smallest of things was one way of having something small to look forward to every day.

The actual meaning of the line has also taught me an invaluable lesson on coping mechanisms. I now realized that some of the more memorable early mornings I have had were the ones where I got 1-2 extra hours to myself. Not doing anything life-altering or super productive like working out, meditating, and what-not. But just enjoying the cold, crispy morning air, the quiet of the world, the process of making coffee, and cozying back into bed to watch BTS In The Soop or read a book- made it so incredibly therapeutic. And almost vital.

Considering I was going through a series of mental anguish, I became heavily dependent on mornings like those. Because I was trying so hard to hold on to that state of calm, I made myself feel bad about the days I wasn’t able to have that.

So, the days I couldn’t get up early, I self-inflicted underserved dread and guilt. Like I couldn’t have a good day unless I had a good, calming start.

Which obviously was a bad way to go about living.

Just because one thing doesn’t go your way doesn’t mean you let the rest of the time go wasted on regret. Just because one person ruined your mood or a situation turned out badly, that doesn’t mean you let the rest of your day and environment be ruined.

How can you let one thing, one person, one problem, one moment, ruin everything else you have worked so hard to keep going for yourself? How is that fair to you?

And so, I do love early morning routines, but the days I don’t get up early doesn’t mean anything. And the pressure of how one thing needs to go perfectly, for the rest to go smoothly, was promptly disregarded.

Time spent resting is not time wasted.

The reason this comes up every year is that I still unknowingly put too much pressure on myself on the days I don’t do anything that I consider beneficially productive.

And this year saw two ridiculous extremes.

One was complete potato-couch-blanket-burrito, justifying how I am going through a lot and therefore I deserve the rest. And the other was hustle, hustle, go, go, go, luck favors the prepared, you need to work harder to get what you want… till I burned myself out.

Did you know it’s possible to feel burned out while still potato couching?

Apparently resting in a state of mental turmoil is going to further deplete your energy and you will leave your resting period, even more, drained them you started. Because you are forcing yourself to rest, thinking it’s going to give you a mental break, without checking in with what your body actually wants. (Sometimes the answer is sushi and sometimes it’s a good cry.)

Then I learned it is not about balance actually, it’s about doing what feels right at the moment. Oh my god, it doesn’t get any simpler than that. And I’m not saying this like abandoning responsibilities and commitment and just watching KDramas all day because it ‘feels right.’

No, it’s about accepting the importance of the situation and going with the flow. Spending your time wisely no longer means only being productive. It means doing what is right at the moment.

And sometimes that means hustling away at work, and sometimes that means staring into the space at 1 am in the morning wondering why you can’t sleep. Sometimes it’s waking up early to breathe fresh air and workout, and sometimes it’s making coffee to stay awake and finish a really good book.

Sometimes its better to just let life happen.

The peace of mind acceptance brings is more important than giving someone a piece of your mind.

You know how some people say they read a book that changed their life? I always wondered how was that possible? Apart from lessons in the story, what is this deep revelation that a book can bring to your entire existence?

Well, this year I not only read books that changed my life but apparently my taste in books too. I told myself that this year I will not be afraid to read books that were difficult. Not just in topics like spirituality and war crimes, but also in genres that made you aware of the harsh realities of life.

I really should write blog posts on these, they were incredible.

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

This was taught me about human psychology and no matter how well we think we know ourselves; we will only know who we really are once we’ve been put in a situation that we have not been tested in before.

And despite that, you will continue to surprise yourself. This cements the theory that as humans, we keep growing, we keep evolving emotionally, mentally, heck even physically (my tummy is not too happy about that), so we can’t define ourselves entirely. And that gives us the flexibility to always try and be better.

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle

This book… there are no words to explain this book because I literally don’t know how to summarize this book. Yes, it may be a book on spirituality, but I personally took the lessons that help you live a better life.

If I do have to find a way to summarize this, I learned two main things:

Accept things as they are.

Act as if you already have it.

That’s all I can say for now, till I actually write a blog post about this.

Trust that whatever happens, happens for the best, and it is the best possible outcome life could have presented you.

I turned 30 this year, and boy was that an existential crisis by itself. I was between jobs, deeply hurt about a couple of related situations, very emotional, and very unsettled.

Needless to say, the pressure of having it all figured out by 30 was just as mind-boggling. But after spending a very long time in despair, at one point you just… give up.

You know what? I’m don’t care anymore. I don’t have the strength to care. It hurts, I am sad and I just do not have the energy to deal with anything. So, in that accidental acceptance (is what I like to call it) I found…some peace of mind.

And it’s with that accidental acceptance, I stopped fighting, I stopped resisting, I stopped trying to control how I felt and I just… accepted.

I accepted unfairness, I accepted failure, I accepted confusion, I accepted uncertainty. And I told myself, now, whatever happens, I’ll accept that too.

Not because of any form of internal revelation, but because I was just so tired of life. I was tired of trying to deal with things, not in my control, so I just accepted what came in my way. Not in the form of defeat, but in the desperation of wanting a mental break.

My accidental acceptance turned into a hope that no matter what happens, it will be the best possible instance. That’s it.

The funny thing is, I don’t know if it’s called settling. Or defeat. Or just letting go. But acceptance made me expect lesser from life. If it happens, good, it if doesn’t, fine. I know I did my best in the situations and there was nothing more I could have done.

And that turned out to be the most important lesson of the year.

All because I just let life happen.

So, this is why something feels different.

Is it me? Is it the excitement of having no schedule and therefore no label on a productive break? Is it the anticipation of eating sushi, Korean fried chicken, and watching a BTS concert to bring in the new year?

Maybe it’s just me.

So happy new year to you Niki. In the 6th year of your yearly reviews, it amazes me how much you have let yourself grow each year. How self-aware you have become and how much you let yourself realize new things about yourself.

And happy new year to you reading this. This year may have been challenging, but I know you are doing your best.

And that’s all that matters.

Happy New Year,

Happy New Opportunities,

Niki :)