Finding Optimism In Adversity (29th Birthday Post)

Needless to say, 2020 has been interesting.

And calling the year interesting is me being nice.

I know the situation of the world in 2020 has rendered all of us kinda frustrated.

And yes, I would gladly replace ‘frustrated’ with all the colorful words imaginable, but I don’t want to put out any more negativity than I already have.

(Plus, but my mom reads my blog- Hi Mama Jads!)

If I could sum up the last 3 months, I would call it the tussle or being stuck between two panes of glass. Where on one side, you’re pretending to be ohkay for everyone around you, and on the other side, you’re mentally trying to be ohkay. There are always these two fronts you put across. But you are never actually ohkay. It’s just a fluctuation between the two, where you don’t know which front you will have to put up tomorrow.  

And it got pretty hard since you can’t share what you’re feeling with people because you don’t know what it is exactly you’re feeling. So you are uncomfortable disclosing these unfamiliar thoughts in a vague and messy format, as the other person may misunderstand your actions.

Where some people are celebrating their time indoors with new recipes, Netflix binges, and more time for themselves. Some others are getting laid off work, finding means for their next paycheck, and struggling to come to terms with what is happening in the world.

So you don’t even know if what you’re feeling is justified, or is it small and insignificant to the bigger issues of the day.

Now, where does that leave you?

Needless to say, 2020 has not been easy.

So clearly, this wasn’t the time to celebrate a birthday with the intentions I had in mind.

If this is your first birthday blog post with me, then you would know that I like planning a few things for my birthday each year, because I use it as a timeline to accomplish something, whether it be a goal or a dream.

Of course, there are some simple birthdays where I learn to celebrate my birthday alone, or having an ordinary goal-free year, but at least I am aware and accepting that there is something to learn from that too. And I like to reflect on what that is and how far I’ve come each year.

This year however… *scoffs*

When the world decided to pause, I was already 60% done with rebranding my blog. This included a new domain, new homepage design, all the small admin things and tech changes I had to do. I had to back-up, edit, transfer and keep track of a lot of the work from 2015. It was nearly a 6 months side project.

And I was so excited, I had this shoot planned, I wanted to start a couple new things but… well, you know what happened.

Life became a little disheartening as there were too many changes, happening at the same time and too quickly. Everything was just a blur of work, emails, skipped meals, messy hair, pajamas and an unhealthy amount of tea (do I daresay coffee too?). Everything was turning into a contest of trying to stay afloat, even if it meant disregarding the other person’s mind-set and overstepping their emotions to make yourself feel better. People can get pretty selfish.

And I was in no frame of mind (or so I thought) to release my blog in that atmosphere. There was just too much going on. It was a lot to take in, even for someone as eccentric as me.

So let’s get one thing straight.

It’s easy to say something like, you are in control of how you react to a situation and as long as you are in control, then the situation can’t hurt you. It’s easier said than done.

But it’s also important to note that sometimes there are many external factors that can affect you in ways that are not in your control. And if that’s the case, how do you make peace with it? How do you break out of those two panes of glass and a never-ending cycle? Well here are some answers I found

Stop pretending to be ohkay.

This gets a little tricky, especially when other people are counting on your strength. But, you need to allow yourself the emotional release of admitting to yourself, that you my good person, are not ohkay. And your vulnerability is not your weakness. Fortunate people around me tell me that it’s what makes us human.

People who care for you will accept that, and those who don’t will use your weakness against you. In either situation, knowing and admitting that you are open to either outcome, is the first step in being careful to identify who to expose what side with. So, if you are not ohkay, instead of hiding it and suppressing it, feel it. And allow yourself to put down the shields in an environment where you feel safe and just… let it go.

Accept the situation for what it is.

This is so hard to do. This may not be the first time life has asked me to stop planning for the future and tone down the control notch. But you don’t like how you feel, so you want to do anything that helps you get out of this mindset, and you inadvertently try to change the situation around you. It’s but human tendency. 

But given the current scenario of the world, what can you do? And how is it fair to yourself and your mental state if you keep worrying about it? No answer justifies it.

So if you are in a situation where there is nothing you can do to make it better, you just have to step back and swallow the bitter fact that you have to take life as it is. Making peace with the belief that you tried your best, and that was all you could do. But at least you tried and you tried your level best.

This is the ground reality now, the sooner you accept it, the sooner you’ll be able to focus on things that actually matter to move on.

Give yourself a break.

If you have the chance to take a break, you are a fortunate person. I realized what a privilege it is now. And you have to be thankful to the people that let you take that break. If its people at work you trust, or people at home who give you the space you need.

I didn’t want to take a break around my birthday, but the situation turned itself that I had to take a break from work to help out with some things at home, which needed more of my attention. I wasn’t entirely on holiday mode (I mean, staycationing), but I wasn’t on work mode either. It was a comfortable half and half where my daily priorities were a blend of helping people around me, but also letting myself sink into smaller things that made me happy.

At this point in time, you let the world run its unbelievable pace, while you are comfortable standing on the by-lines catching your breath before you’re ready to join them again. Hopefully with a recharged perspective.

But if you can’t take a break, here is something else you can do.

Have something to look forward to.

I have said this time and again, but the power of simple small things go a long, long way.

Have something to look forward to. It could be a big birthday project, or a small recipe you want to try over the week. It could even be the episode you want to watch before bed or the new skill you want to learn. Or a Sunday of doing absolutely nothing.

Having that one thing that makes you feel a little bit better during the day, can turn into a staple habit of learning optimism. So you apply this learned optimism to bleaker moments in life and learn how to cultivate a brighter side to whatever situation you face.

For me, it’s been funnily themed everything Korean- I’m learning to cook Korean food, speak & write Korean, listen to Korean music and even watch Korean shows. But that’s not all- The perfect blend of Mocha in my Starbucks cup that keeps it hot while I do my lessons for the day, BTS Festa which was every day from June 1-13th, the new books and the small things I bought myself for my birthday. Those were some of my smaller things I really, really looked forward to.

Take it one day at a time.

Once you give yourself the permission to feel like everything sucks, you learn to let it go and accept what is to come, then you give yourself a break to assess the more important things in life, and finally you then you learn to celebrate the small things, as you realize they matter more.

Last, but not least, you learn to take it one day at a time. And be grateful for what you have every single day.

I will never take a free weekend for granted, an unperturbed mind, financial security, and the freedom to travel and do what you like. Never ever.

And I accept the fact that I can only plan what tomorrow brings, and sometimes not even that. So there is no other option but to treat each day with its own agenda, and just having small things to look forward to as you make it through each day. And that is its own reward.

So with that, I realized that I had something to look forward to all along- This blog and its rebranding.

And my birthday gift to myself is was the willpower to keep moving, keep going on and re-launch this blog as intended. Yes, there was and still a lot going on, so this was my way of telling myself that I still had something that made me happy, amongst other things.

Wow, is it possible to have an eventful birthday by not even going anywhere? Is it possible to have an entire rollercoaster of incidents that make you feel like you have lived a lifetime where it has merely been a few months?

Yes, things are not any better with the world, and everyone has a lot of their internal struggles to deal with. Yes, admittedly you can feel like you are ohkay today and again feel like everything sucks tomorrow. But, as long as you have something to look forward to, something to be grateful for, and people around you who care for you, you already have a lot.

Truly this year has forced us all to introspect what’s important and hopefully turned us from existential beings to those that recognize they are privileged. Being grateful for having a roof above your head and a full stomach whenever you like.

And hopefully, it has opened our eyes to learn what’s really important in life. Value the ones we have and the time we get to invest with them, like the world is forcing us to reconnect with family, long-lost friends, and often even ourselves.

So with that, I would like to say: happy birthday you. Thank you for being young at heart, deciding to never let go of things that are important for you, and staying strong through times when you felt like it just wasn’t worth it.

It’s funny, as you grow older, you’re supposed to be wiser, but with you, it feels like you’re re-learning the art of child-like simplicity in finding happiness and gratitude in things that matter. Needless to say, I am proud of you. Here is to another colorful year of positive introspection and dreams coming true.

May you discover what really matters,

NikiJads :)